The Aging of My Relatives Is Teaching Me To Live

Granny Pearl Ramsey is the only grandparent I have left. She's my mother's mother. And lately, I've had the pleasure of spending quite a bit of time with her as she stays one week out of each month at my parents' house. All the other weeks in the year she lives in a small town in eastern Oklahoma called Oaks, or Twin Oaks (as it is on the map) with my Aunt Deloris. You see, she's too old to stay on her own, and too sweet to turn down any offer to be pampered.

Granny has a small, modest house just a stone's throw from my cousin Morgan (son of Deloris) and Anita, his wife's house. And from the front porch of that home, she has watched her great grand children grow up. Each morning the chickens scurry around the yard and the rooster crows. The sun, when it rises on a clear morning, burns away the dew so quickly in that small town. And the wildlife get up and move like they have a job to do.

Life for her hasn't been easy. She was born and raised during the great depression. She met a man, Vernan Ramsey, who was later to become my grandfather. He was simple man, son of a farmer, with a passion for the simple life and for playing his guitar. But he was drafted to the second great war. And being a woman of her promise, Granny waiting patiently and faithfully for his return. While he was fighting in the Japanese theater, she moved to California to become a maid. Four years later, when he returned, they got married. Seven years after that, they had three kids (each around a year apart). They were David, the oldest, Deloris, the middle child, and Verna, my mother and the baby.

Grandpa passed away of cancer when I was in my young twenties, around ten years or so ago. Even though he lived longer than my grandpa Roberts, who passed away when I was 8 years old, I still did not know him very well. He was a mysterious man to me, in a way. It's hard to really say why, though. He usually had a smile on his face and something to feed me when I would stay over at his house. Grandpa was very kind and generous. But he was nervous at the same time. He would be the kind of person to be overly kind in a big hurry. And then go straight to the chair to sit and be still, without saying another word.

But I knew then, even though I couldn't verbalize it, that even though he was a strong man, and very independent, there was something else going on behind those eyes, something painful and sad. And, of course, my father never really warmed up to Grandpa Ramsey very much. I don't think many people really knew the man the way they wished they could. I'm pretty sure Grandpa Ramsey intimidated many people, just by the his lifestyle and his nervous twitches. But, I'm just saying all this out one side of my mouth, because I don't really know. The stuff I really remember about him, while spending summers at his house was wondering when he was going to take a shower because he had been out all morning feeding the animals and mowing the lawn and why on earth do his hands shake so much? Man, he had large, giant-sized hands.

The Ramsey family were and still are a creative bunch of people. He and his brothers and sisters (he had a lot of them) were musical, to say the least. They even cut a Ramsey praise and worship album at one point in time. And I would really like to hear it, someday. Maybe I'll do some hunting of my own to find it. And if it's still around, I will try my best to convert it to a digital recording and post some of it on a blog.

And that's about it. Besides a few cool stories like the ones I just told, I didn't have a chance to ever sit down and really get to know the man. And as I get older and as I know know the brevity of life, and how precious each waking moment is with the ones I love, I am at once saddened that I didn't get the opportunity to actually know him. But, at the same time, I am eager to get that chance to share a cup of whatever and sit by a running stream to fish with him in heaven. I have a lot of questions to ask him about his life, his passions, his love for hunting, for fishing, and for the simple life. And I am comforted in knowing I will get that chance once again, once I meet him there. And until then, even though I didn't know the man very well, I am comforted with the grace of God, knowing I have a lasting, blood-thickened tie to him, in more ways then just being his grandson. And I have a feeling that much of what I know about myself, in my creative urges and my passion to write, I very well got from my grandfather.

Just as I am finding out more about myself from the memories and the legacy of my grandfather, so too, am I beginning to learn more about my roots in becoming closer to my granny, Pearl. She is a brilliant woman who loves reading. Each time I see her, she's carrying a book, a newspaper, magazine, or has a story to tell about something she has read. In her life, she never took the time to become a teacher, although I think she could have been a great one. She has a large heart. And an even stronger sense of resolve and patience. She's been through a lot. And her faith in the grand supply of the Father's right hand is unwavering. She is a rock.

Each time she comes home to my parents' house, I find time out of the week to go over for dinner and games. Granny loves to play all sorts of games. And she loves to win, hates to lose. I get the greatest pleasure watching her smile. It comes from a humble place. And I am honored to have her still on this earth. I look forward to having more and more chances to learn the keys to the simple life from her.

And so, I say all this to say if at all possible, take time to know your family. You may have a great relationship with all your relatives. But chances are you don't. In laws are like outlaws. And you know the rest. At certain points in our lives, many people are closer to friends then we are with our own blood. And I am no different. There are walls between several of my family members and me. But this is a small step. Getting to know her better is reminding me of grandpa. And my memory of him is making me want more of the present.

So, I urge you. Do what it takes, no matter how hard it hurts, no matter how much of a pain it is to drive across town, across the state or the country, no matter how distant they are to you, or how little you get along. You may not share a thing in common with your relatives now. But in a moment, the moment is all but gone. And one day you might have outlived all of your family. You may be rocking in a chair all alone, wondering who these people were that you grew up with and sat next to at a dinner table three times a year. Don't wait for tomorrow what you can do today. Don't pass up a chance to get to know life. The time has come. The moment is here. And all of creation is alive. Love your family while it is still called "today".